Avoiding the Comparison Trap

I’m learning to avoid the comparison trap.

 

I am still adjusting to this stay-at-home-mom gig. This wasn’t part of my plan. Nor was the unexpected illness that put me here. It’s been thirty-four months and eleven days since I was medically forced to walk away from my career as a pharmacist. One would think by now, I would be adjusted to my new role, but I still struggle.

Finding contentment in this new realm is my struggle.

This summer, my neighbor had her backyard excavated to make way for an in-ground pool. Meanwhile, God excavated my heart to make room for contentment.

Per instructions by Priscilla Shirer in her book, The Resolution for Women, I scribed these words on an index card and attached it to the front of my fridge.

In my desire to find contentment, I began with a simple prayer: “Lord whatever my hands find to do today, may you look upon your servant and find me faithful. Amen.” 

Later, I simplified this to a four-sentence prayer: “Lord, find me faithful.”

This prayer is based on these verses in the Old and New Testament:

For the eyes of the Lord range throughout the earth to strengthen those whose hearts are fully committed to him.” (2 Chronicles 16:9, NIV)

“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” (Colossians 3:23-24, ESV)

When I pray, “Lord find me faithful,” it helps me put on spiritual blinders. Keeping the simple prayer on the forefront of my mind repels my desire for comparison to others. It allows me to remain faithful in my role, where I am, and with what God has provided for me.

The death of contentment is comparison.

Steven Furtick

Pastor , Elevation Church

During God’s summer excavation of my heart, He showed me two passages in the Bible where the main characters felt unequipped and unqualified in their role because they were comparing themselves to those around them.

Gideon the weakest in his clan hid from the enemy. God finds him, calls him a “valiant warrior” and tells him to fight the enemy. “Go in the strength that you have.” (Judges 6:12, 14). Reluctantly obedient, Gideon and his motley crew of a few defeat the enemy in an unexpected way.

In 2 Kings 4:1-7, we meet an unnamed woman who is a recent widow. Left with debts she cannot repay, the debt collectors threatened to take away her two sons. Desperate, she pleads to the prophet Elisha for help. Instead of helping, he asks, “What’s in your house?” She confesses to having only a little oil. Elisha instructs her to gather as many jars as she can from the neighbors. (Can you imagine the humility of having to ask the neighbors for help?) Elisha blessed what little oil she had and the oil miraculously continued to pour until all the jars were full. She was able to pay off all her debt and keep her sons.

What’s in your house?

How can you go in the strength you have to bless others?

In my realm of a stay-at-home-mom, I have the margin of time and rest in my day. This week, God found me faithful packing lunches for my friend and me. In my house, I already had all the fixings for Meg’s favorite snacks and lunch. Going in the strength I had, God found me faithful as I drove my friend to her chemotherapy infusion. We enjoyed our day together as we laughed, cupped mugs of piping hot Starbucks, and shared stories of God’s faithfulness.

Reflecting on the stories of Gideon and the widow woman, ask yourself:

How can you use what you already have to bless others?

What is God calling you to do?

~April Dawn White ©2018

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Lies Moms Believe Giveaway Winner

Earlier this month, I posted my review of Lies Moms Believe and How the Gospel Refutes Them by Rebekah Hargraves.  When I posted the article, I offered a free giveaway to anyone who subscribed and/or shared. 

The winner of a free copy of Lies Moms Believe is Amy A. Amy, I will be in touch. 

Thank you to all who entered the drawing. Stay tuned to Red Chair Moments for more encouragement.

Hugs & Hope,

~April

Lies Moms Believe by Rebekah Hargraves: Book Review & Giveaway

I am excited I get to give away one free copy of the book and study guide Lies Moms Believe and How the Gospel Refutes Them by Rebekah Hargraves. (Read to the end for detailed instructions.)

Lies Moms Believe is the inaugural book by Rebekah Hargraves, birthed from personal experience of raising two littles and sharing these thoughts on her blog, podcast, and website.

Rebekah Hargraves wrote, Lies Moms Believe to help moms battle the lies and find the freedom intended for motherhood.  Hargraves writes, “It all started way back in the Garden of Eden, this age-old ploy of Satan. It was the very tactic he first implemented in order that he might drive a wedge between God and Eve, and it is what Satan still uses today in his attempts to produce the very same outcome of division in our own relationships with God. What is that tactic, you ask? It is getting God’s people to believe a lie.”

Lies Moms Believe debunks thirty-two lies moms commonly believe. Lies Moms Believe, uncovers the distorted view of motherhood and womanhood forged by culture and warped legalistic thinking. Lies Moms Believe, refutes the myths and misconceptions women accept as true with the absolute truth of the gospel of God’s Word.

Hargraves gathered information from personal experience and via social media polls to detail thirty-two lies most commonly battled in motherhood.  These lies are broken down into five areas in which Satan seeks to lie to mothers.  These five main areas are:

Part I: Lies About Motherhood

Part II: Lies About How God View Us as Moms

Part III: Lies About How We View Ourselves as Moms

Part IV: Lies About Our Children

Part V: Lies About Our Parenting Choices

As a mom of two-teens, (a son and a daughter), I understand the internal struggle of motherhood in a Pinterest perfect world. Even among Christian influences, the battles of lies, debunking myths, and finding freedom in our unique calling continues past the diaper stage. I never felt cut out for motherhood. When our children were younger, I often shared obtaining a doctorate degree in pharmacy was much easier than raising our children. Lies Moms Believe unearth nuggets of wisdom and truth and offer encouragement to moms regardless of the stage of motherhood. Lies Moms Believe is an excellent Mother’s Day gift. 

Rebekah Hargraves invites the reader to continue the conversation with the supplementary Bible study and joining the private Facebook group Moms Living Free. Lies Moms Believe is available as a print and e-book. 

You may find Rebekah Hargraves online at https://www.hargraveshomeandhearth.com/, on Instagram @RebekahHargraves on Facebook @HargravesHomeandHearth, on Twitter @HHomeandHearth  Follow Rebekah Hargraves and Lies Moms Believe using these hashtags: #liesmomsbelieve #lmbcompanionstudy #authorrebekahhargraves #gospelformoms #livingintruth. 

Lies Moms Believe Book & Study Guide GIVEAWAY!

There are several ways to enter this giveaway:

  • Subscribe to my blog. Scroll down on the homepage of RedChairMoments.com and type in your name and email address.

To earn more entries, or if you’re already following my blog,

  • Share this book review post via social media. Each share to a different social media venue earns you one entry. Tag me or leave me a comment so I know you’ve shared.
  • Share via email. Notify me of your name and the number of shares.

Giveaways are open to residents of the continental U.S. and Canada only.

I will announce the winner via blog post next Friday, May 4th. Thank you!

DISCLOSURE (IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE FTC’S 16 CFR, PART 255: “GUIDES CONCERNING THE USE OF ENDORSEMENTS AND TESTIMONIALS IN ADVERTISING”): MANY THANKS TO THE BLOGABOUT NETWORK FOR GIVING ME A COPY OF Lies Moms Believe IN EXCHANGE FOR MY HONEST OPINION.”

~April Dawn White

*Images courtesy of Rebekah Hargraves and The BlogAbout Network.

© 2018 April Dawn White, All rights reserved

Dear Mother Who Puts Herself Last: Guest Writer Angela Jamison

I see you in the grocery store, hurrying along at 9 pm. I can imagine the thoughts running through your head from how you just want to be in bed to how badly your feet hurt because you’re not sure if you’ve sat down all day.

I see you in the doctor’s office massaging your temples, wondering if this headache will ever go away. Wondering if uninterrupted sleep will ever be something you get again.

I see you in the restaurant, trying to enjoy the beauty of not having to cook or clean up, but worried about the mess nonetheless.

I see you. I am you.

I, too, am a mother who puts herself last.

Although it was my deepest desire to be a mother, I didn’t anticipate losing myself in the process. I didn’t anticipate some of my favorite things becoming foreign or dreams disappearing with diapers.

I had no idea my deepest wish would be my greatest joy and my hardest trial in equal parts.

I bet you had no idea either.

I’d imagine your children are your world, the most important piece of your existence, but let me let you in on a powerful truth … you’re important too!

We can not be effective mothers if we lose ourselves, always putting ourselves last. When you take care of you, you’re teaching a far more powerful lessons than when you run yourself to empty.

We can not be effective mothers if we lose ourselves, always putting ourselves last. Click To Tweet

Those dreams that disappeared with the diapers, rekindle them. Your children need to see you have a passion and work toward it. Some of the best encouragement in the world comes from children! Allow them to enrich the path to your dreams instead of being a roadblock.

That nap you skipped because there were bottles to wash, laundry to fold and floors to vacuum, take it next time. Your health is imperative to healthy kids. When you are healthy, you are happier and when you are happier, your children are happier. Take the rest and allow your children to see you slow down. In a “go go go” world, our children need to know it’s ok to take a break.

Putting yourself last seems to be in the unwritten motherhood handbook. I’m tearing that page out and so should you! Our children may be our world, but the more powerful truth is – we are theirs.

Take care of your children’s world, you, by moving up in line. As mothers, we’ll never be good at putting ourselves first, but we can happily fall somewhere in the middle.

We are more important than being last.

Sincerely,

A Mother Moving Up in Line

Angela Jamison is a mother of four and works with young children as the director of a Christian preschool. After struggling with infertility, she and her husband entered the world of foster care where they have been overwhelmed exploring the path laid before them by the most perfect Father. When she is not entertaining children, Angela loves to read, write, and connect with mothers and parents to encourage and reiterate God’s design for the toughest job on earth. To learn more about Angela, visit her webpage at http://www.angelajamison.com or follow her on Twitter, @AngJamison04.

Stuck at 9: Cultivate a Grateful Heart

I ran across this old post from 2012. I polished the writing and sharing it with you today. While over five and a half years have passed since I wrote this article, the message of cultivating a grateful heart is timeless. Our son is now a freshman in high school and only a few months away from turning fifteen. This is a good excuse to brew another pot of coffee and take a moment with me. Enjoy. ~April

February 7, 2012

Today is our son’s 9th birthday! Although he has a small party planned with his friends in a few days, we wanted to do something special for him, on his birthday. Unfortunately, skating, bowling, and even the local arcade were closed. Oh the dilemma of having a birthday, on a Tuesday, in a small town, during the winter.

Fortunately, Dairy Queen was open and we savored our favorite ice cream. To the kids surprise the DQ had a video game corner. The money disappeared as quickly as the ice cream.Taste and see the Lord is god

The birthday boy shifted his weight with excitement and eagerly asked, “Can I have more money?”

“I don’t have anymore more money for games,” replied his father.

Suddenly the eagerness disappeared, the meltdown began, and I’m not referring to my mint chocolate chip ice cream. Instantly, it did not matter to the birthday boy that he already tore open his family gifts at dinner, nor did it matter that a party with his friends is scheduled in a few days.

What mattered was his ungrateful attitude.

 “In everything give thanks, for it is the will of Christ Jesus.” 1 Thessalonians 5:18

In a moment of frustration, the husband blasted, “That’s it you can forget about having a 10th birthday!”

At home, the birthday boy quietly sobbed.  Wrapping my arms around his tiny frame, I whispered, “What’s wrong?”

“Momma, I don’t want to be stuck at 9!”

As I rocked the birthday boy in my arms and my mind wandered.

“Heavenly Father, is this how you feel when we are ungrateful for all you have given us? Does our ungratefulness cause us to be stuck where we are?”

I believe it does.

I continued to rock the birthday boy. I explained if he chooses to be ungrateful, than he chooses to miss the blessings God has to give. We prayed, “Forgive me Lord, if I’ve been unappreciative, ungrateful, or possess a “Me, me, me” attitude. Amen.”

~April Dawn White © 2012

6 Ways to Prepare for the Unexpected Test

Rachel flipped through her stack of vocabulary note cards. Tucking her legs crisscross applesauce style, she moaned, “Mom, can you email the teacher and ask what the test will be like?”

“Nope.”

“Please,” she begged.

“Rachel, I could contact the teacher but you need to know this information backwards and forwards.  If you know you will only be given a multiple choice test, you will only study to recognize the answer. You need to know this information inside and out. You need to be prepared no matter how you are tested.”

As soon as I uttered that last sentence, the Holy Spirit nudged me. I did not feel a tangible nudge, but rather a nudge in my spirit. You need to be prepared no matter how you are tested, echoed my words. Where those really my words to begin with or did the Holy Spirit plant those words in my mind to speak to Rachel? Either way, those words penetrated my soul with a deeper significance than my daughter’s upcoming vocabulary test.

Are you ready for your test?

The fact is each one of us will face a test in life. Sometimes we have ample time to prepare such as preparing to launch young adults to college or transitioning aging parents into an assisted living facility.

Other times, tests strike like a bolt of lightening leaving us blindsided and dazed. Caught off guard, these pop quizzes feel more significant. Unexpected health diagnoses, the death of a loved one, an accident, separation, or job loss are weighty pop quizzes.

You need to be prepared no matter how you are tested Click To Tweet

Pencils ready.

Unexpected tests are inevitable. The good news is God’s Word gives us detailed instruction on how to prepare for the tests and pop quizzes of life.

I am not a theologian or Bible scholar. I am a Christ follower who has survived the tests of a miscarriage, depression, a strong-willed child, betrayal, and most recently an unexpected health diagnosis resulting in an invisible chronic illness, the loss of my job and our beloved home.  I do not pretend to have all the answers but by remaining rooted in these six areas have helped me (and my family) through our tests and crisis of faith.

6 Ways to Prepare for the Unexpected Test:

  1. Seek: “Look to the Lord and his strength; seek his face always.” 1 Chronicles 16:11
  2. Abide/ Remain: “Remain in me, as I remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me.” John 15:4
  3. Surrender: “For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it.” Mark 8:35
  4. Obey: “You are my portion, Lord; I have promised to obey your words.” Psalm 119:57
  5. Trust:“When I am afraid, I put my trust in you.” Psalm 56:3
  6. Pray:“Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.” James 5:16

Extra Credit

If you want to dig deeper into God’s Word read the following verses for extra credit.

  1. Seek: Jeremiah 29:13, Deuteronomy 4:9, Psalm 27:4, Psalm 119:2, Isaiah 55:6, Lamentations 3:25, Hebrews 11:6, and Matthew 7:7
  2. Abide/Remain: Exodus 33:14, Psalm 92:12-15, 2 Corinthians 5:7, John 16:33, John 15:7-10
  3. Surrender: Isaiah 64:8, Psalm 37:7, Mark 10:28, Matthew 16:24-25, Galatians 2:20, Romans 12:1
  4. Obey: Luke 11:28 Psalm 119:88, 168, Ecclesiastes 8:5, Matthew 8:27, John 14:23-24, Romans 2:13
  5. Trust: Hebrews 6:19, Psalm 20:7, Isaiah 26:3, Proverbs 3:5, Psalm 37:3, Psalm 44:6-7, Jeremiah 17:7, Isaiah 26:4
  6. Pray: 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, Matthew 6:6-9, Matthew 5:44, Matthew 26:41, Luke 22:40, Romans 8:26

“He is a faithful God who keeps His covenant for a thousand generations.” Deuteronomy 7:9

~April Dawn White

©2017 April Dawn White, All Rights Reserved.

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